What NOT to Say to Someone Who has Miscarried

1.  This is God's will.  I know He has a plan for you. 
  - Right now, I don't care.  And most that believe in God, already know this.  It doesn't help.  Right now the hurt is so strong it's hard to imagine anything beyond this moment. 

2. Miscarriages are really common.  It just happens sometimes.
  - It may be common, but not in my everyday life.  And someone else hurting this bad doesn't help.  It makes me feel bad for the others that are hurting, too.

3. At least you know you can get pregnant!
  - Yes, and for me right now pregnancy doesn't end in baby, so who cares if I can get pregnant.  I'm not interested in this logic making it better.

4. You'll have another baby.
  - I wanted this baby.  Having another one doesn't end the hurt from this one.    


5. At least it was early on.
 - This was my baby from the second I knew about it.  I've made plans for it, picked out a crib, and fallen in love with the changes already showing in my body.  I don't care when it was, I still loved this baby already.

6. You should be over it by now.
 - Yes.  Someone actually said this to me.  When did you get over the death of your parent?  Anybody important to you that died?  It's not instant.  It's not going to happen in a week.  I'm going to be sad for a while. 

7. The next one will work.  It did with me!
 - Not always.  As this is my second one, sometimes they don't work.  

I know people mean well when trying to find something to say to someone who has miscarried.  In my experience, only those who have experienced it can find somewhat of the right words to say, but there are still no words. 

Best thing to do?  Be quiet.  Say you're sorry, and then shut up.  You aren't going to make them feel better by anything you say.  Hug them, let them cry, and pray for God to heal these wounds.